When table football triggers acknowledgment
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One day you wake up more pissed than usual – thanks to these fucking table football enthusiasts that seem to not have anything better in life than devote themselves to red or blue plastic goalies – and it happens you realize your brain is sort of frozen. It’s not the lack of sleep or the thirst for revenge that is freezing your cerebral faculties. You ‘re not even sick or anything, it’s just that your grey matter is stuck in a vacuum. Focusing doesn’t work either. Focusing on nothing cannot work in normal state, not even when you had a shitty morning desperately trying to get some sleep. Then you sort of get the feeling it’s not a temporary state, it’s habit. All you can do is think of trivialities and get obsessed over nothing. I honestly don’t remember to have been spending some quality time thinking about anything truly significant in the last period. It’s not that I didn’t know it, it’s just that I didn’t stop to panic about it. Of course the process is not totally intentional, of course I tried to do some relatively significant thinking, but I couldn’t concentrate on it for more than fifteen minutes. After a while the brain automatically switches to stand-by mode. I completely forget of having been thinking at all after that, and the vacuum enlarges. Sometimes it’s like not knowing why caring at all about certain aspects that at the moment you take them into consideration seem so vitally important. Some other times it simply feels like it should be for average minds. Thinking must be like a sort of athletic skill after all – why not? – so it requires the necessary training; once you have not trained enough it’s useless to just wish you could be doing anything like a pro. Then you get older and your brain is no better than your legs, you can’t use it properly anymore. Your desire goes in one direction and the physical attributes go in another. You part ways, a day after the other, the process isn’t going to slow down. So maybe it’s just training that one needs after all? Seems very simple if you put it that way. Like anybody can do it when there’s still time.
Anyway, what I was going to say before starting I don’t remember. I wish I could see what was my point at all. I had some kind of idea, vague and not very clear, but still it was something. Now I only know there are the usual frustrating activities in sight and all I can do is to be worried and paranoid about them.