Absurdia.Net

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Around people I feel nauseous, because I see through their sordid intentions, their excuses, their unwillingness. All of us, liars. All of us, deceivers. Looking for the quickest path to shut ourselves in self-absorption. Grinning all the way through the day, rolling the eyes to conceal aversion. Requesting assistance but refusing humane barters. I don’t trust any of this. I’m too much into it to not know how it works. Every step forward you get pushed backward, isn’t it how it is? Some are a little too good at waving their arms, at overindulging, that’s why they seem to progress so, while the rest of us, the inepts, keep on regressing day in day out.

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One can make conjectures about emulation all one wants, or invent conspiracy theories – wouldn’t it be easier to give full credit to them? – to fill a void in acknowledging the other. But we didn’t know the other. That’s the fact. We did not. Did we? Whatever the diverse reasons behind an individual choice, the impotence of definition is what we have left. In our hands there’s no power of comprehension. The letting go is just a false guess. That is probably not the aspect that’s meant to be sought. That’s just about cleansing our conscience of the sense of guilt for having gotten all wrong, for days, months, maybe years. It’s not our fault, not necessarily. Taking care of oneself and trying to figure that out is a draining occupation already. And to pretend to take care of another or to get to know another before having the faintest idea about one’s own self is the root of all hypocrisies. All the idle talk, the vivid reconstructions – on the basis, of what? -, the glorifying or the condemning, all that is in the flesh of the living, not in the composure of the dead.